MATCH

MATCH started in 1979 as a self-help group and attained charitable status in 2006. It’s run by an elected Committee (Trustees) in their homes. All Trustees are, or have been, mothers apart from their children. Our income comes from £10 Membership subscriptions (UK) and small donations. We are UK-based but have Members world-wide.

Members are apart from their child for many complex reasons but, for general simplification, fall into these six main groups:

• Child has been adopted
• Child is in care
• Child has been abducted by the other parent
• Child lives with the Resident Parent (father). Mother may have Non-Resident Parent (NRP) status and sees/writes/telephones/texts/e-mails child according to clearly defined Contact Orders or Family Court Judgments.
• Child chooses not to see mother after high conflict situations following family breakdown, voicing intense criticism of her, sometimes verging on hatred. This is sometimes defined as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
• Adult child, after a family feud or the family splitting up, chooses not to see his mother.

BM Box No. 6334 London

We believe if the general public knew more about MATCH Members, or were willing to learn, they might begin to ask hard, difficult questions about how children can be better protected, particularly in high-conflict family breakdown as well as in some unique situations concerning the fostering and adoption of children.

Our quarterly Newsletter welcomes and, indeed, depends on contributions from Members who generously share their thoughts, experience and wisdom through letters, articles, poetry in the hope that it may bring a small measure of comfort to other mothers apart. Only a mother apart knows how another one feels when separated from beloved children.

Although all our backgrounds and experiences as MATCH mothers are vastly different, sometimes we share uncannily similar stories, particularly in high-conflict family breakdown where “controlling personality” types have been identified as powerful, manipulative figures. This “type” plays a subtle but key role in premeditating the breaking up the original family group and masterminds the re-building of a new family group to block out the ‘offender’.

It seems that, despite an almost flawless mothering history, once the mother decides to leave home - for whatever reason - the family, now dominated and controlled by one or several manipulating family members, reject her outright. Her mothering role cannot be continued outside the family home and must be aborted.

Local Support Groups In some areas Local Support Groups have been formed where Members meet occasionally and informally. This offers an opportunity to discuss and share common problems, sometimes for the first time, with other mothers apart in a safe, non-judgemental environment where Members are sensitive and respectful of each other’s situation. Many Members find that emotional stress can be partially relieved through sharing attitudes towards tackling their own experiences or describing practical ways in which they have moved forward.

We also have an AGM in London, perhaps the most important occasion for MATCH, where mothers apart come together to gain strength from their widely differing experiences. Many Members have made life-long friends at past AGMs.

Finally, on Mother’s Day, each MATCH Member across the world receives a hand-written card. These are posted to reach her on the day on which Mothering Sunday is celebrated in her country.